The other night, when Lady V was in town, I FORCED her to help me put my bedbug protectors on my box spring and mattress. IT WAS NOT an easy task and I know Lady V well enough that I could tell she was NOT into this laborious task (I mean, who would be) but was only doing it to assuage my bedbug neurosis... The following email she sent me confirmed everything that I already knew...but it a much more hilarious fashion.
From Lady V:
This is my context around that moment in time:
Binger wants me to help her do what? put mattress guards on her bed because of bugs?
Christ I hope we don't have these bed bugs in London...reminds me, I have to change my sheets when I get back to London.
This corner goes on here, wait wait, to put this thing on means that we will have to take the whole mattress off the boxspring? oh lord, that's going to mean pulling the mattress off the bed?
What time is my dinner?
I guess it's important to her, this mattress reminds me of my bed when I lived in NY - oi, I need to get my stuff out of storage... Great the mattress is covered and we are done!!!!!
.... no, can't be real, she has another packet with a bug protector in it? to go where? on the box spring, seriously?
....what time is my dinner - 8:00pm - what time is it now - 7:00pm, I gotta go......
lift the box spring up, at least she will sleep more easily (probably because of the ambien though if I am honest) lift the other corner, it's easier on this one - the box spring isn't as heavy as the mattress, note to self.
Woah she has a lot of stuff under her bed, that's a good idea to elevate the bed for storage space under it, I can't do that with mine in LDN, but I really like a high bed... Box spring down, mattress on top and let's make the bed. I really am good at hospital corners...
DONE - I need a drink.